Nothing Compares to Glue

God knows what the late Prince would make of the Irish CX scene, but I would truly love to hear the great Sinéad O’Connor sing this.  I am sure if she knew about the dangers of tubular tires rolling off the rim during a bike race she would have an opinion on the merits of gluing on your tubs rather than taking the easy option of using rim tape. You might just want to revel in the original before you read below!

Thanks as ever to Michael Buckley, Seán Rowe and John Flynn for the pictures, but also and especially to Youghal CC and the Munster CX League for getting us back out again.

It’s been eighteen months and 30 days
Since they took CX away.
I spent nights on Zwift & Strava all day
Since I put my tubs away.
Since it’s been gone, I’ve put on all these pounds
And I’ve this glue I won’t use

I began to eat my gels for breakfast
But nothing
I said nothing could replace my CX blues
‘Cause nothing compares
Nothing compares to glue

It’s been so clean since the CX scene
Left so much mud in my wash machine
Nothing can stop my wife from saying
Tell me baby, why is your gear so clean?
I could put my arms around her after every spin
Without her going ‘get out of here’

I went to an oldtimer, guess what he told me
Guess what he told me
He said, “Boy you should try some rim-tape, don’t matter about the glue
But he’s a fool.
‘Cause nothing compares,
Nothing compares to glue.

All the training that I planned
When I said I’d work so hard
All seemed in vain until I heard news
The sun would shine in East Cork again
All it took was Kenneally and Youghal CC.
Nothing compares,
Nothing compares to glue.

I said to Dave Baily, Will Rock and Daire Breathnach
We’ll have a cut of this, woo hoo hoo
I took my Alan from the back of my shed
And a set of sew ups I thought I’d never use
‘Cause nothing
Nothing compares to glue.

Went down early to the morning sea
And breathed in the salty air,
The sand look fine, but the turns were bare
Pat McHugh said I better be careful with what I choose
‘Cause nothing compares
Nothing compares to glue.

It’s been so long since we rode along
The tracks and turns,
Sean Rowe said cheese while I’m sure
I heard Michael Buckley say he’s pleased
The juniors are seniors now
and infants are now at their ease

Brendan Coakley’s kids are on their feet
Guess what they told me, Guess what they told me,
You look like Santy,
But Brendan said see his tyres, don’t be fooled
Cause I know,
I know he doesn’t use glue

Micheal Corkery paid the price,
And David too boo hoo hoo
Tyrone and Terry said ochone
While Robin Seymour had a slice of ill-fate too,
Cause nothing,
Nothing compares to glue.

So pump up your tyres
To 3 bars or 45 PSI
The Munster league is back, yahoo hoo hoo
De Ronde, Limerick, Upper Church and Greenmount too
But Just remember,
Just remember,
Nothing compares,
Nothing compares,
Nothing compares to glue!

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